ToME: the Tales of Maj'Eyal

Kruk Yeti description:

A few orcs of the Kurk Pride...

Going through the Corruptor class, I found a few.

Under Corruption / Sanguisuge:

• Drain has a bit of conflicting language. The first line says that it "replenish[es] 20% of it as vim energy", as a flat amount. However, the next line says the amount varies based on the target's rank, with higher-ranked enemies giving more vim. Does that mean 20% is the base amount (for trash mobs) and goes higher for bosses and such? Or do trash mobs give a very low amount (5%, or something like that), and bosses give the full 20%? Also, the last line should probably say "the damage will increase with your Spellpower", as I don't think the vim gain increases at all.
• Absorb Life says it gives extra vim "for each kill of a non-undead creature..." Wouldn't it be cleaner to say "each time you kill a living creature"? Other parts of the game make reference to extra damage against living - there are separate egos for damage against living creatures vs. extra damage vs. undead ones.

Under Corruption / Vim:

• Vimsense has a bit of weird wording as well. I feel like the duration should be at the end of the sentence, but looking at Track, it's laid out the same way. It feels a little odd to me, but that might just be me. It's a bit odd, because the only other effect that's similar (Track) is worded the same way, but I think every other talent or effect with a duration has the duration listed at the end of the sentence. Either way, the second line should also read "..., but will also make them aware of you." As it stands right now (no "will"), it's a sentence fragment.
• Dark Portal's mention of Strength, Dexterity and Constitution should be capitalized to match stat usage in other talents.

Under Corruption / Plague:

• For Virulent Disease, there's no need for the comma in the first line before the part about "reducing one its physical stats..." The next line about applying diseases the target the target doesn't have should probably read "... does not currently have, as well as the one that will be most debilitating for the target." Maybe just a little cleaner, and it would match other talents that mention radius and duration (such as Poison Storm from the Blight tree). The stats mention (Str, Dex, Con) should also be capitalized to match stat usage in other talents.
• For Epidemic's line about suffering healing reduction, you should probably just say Epidemic instead of "that disease" for clarity's sake.

Under Corruption / Blood:

• Blood Fury mentions spells going critical, which I think is a fairly unique wording. Although now that I look at some other on-crit talents, there doesn't seem to be much of a consistent wording (Sun Paladin's Sun's Vengeance is worded differently than Anorithil's Corona, for instance, and both are worded differently than Blood Fury.) Might want to take a look at all of the on-crit effects and pick a consistent phrase for them.

Under Corruption / Blight:

• Poison Storm's lines for what happens at each talent level should have a comma after each talent level - "At talent level 2, you have..." etc.

Under Corruption / Bone:

• The second comma in Bone Spear - "... in line, and inflicting..." isn't necessary.
• The second comma in Bone Nova is similarly unnecessary.
• Bone Shield has a bit of awkward grammar in it. The line about absorbing attacks could be cleaned up, something like "Each one will fully absorb one attack." - although this is a bit misleading, because if I remember right, each one just absorbs one instance of damage, so one shield is absorbed for a poison tick, not stopping the whole effect of poison. But that's not really for here. The last line also doesn't stand by itself very well, maybe something like "A new shield will be created every x turns, with a max of x shields." - I also don't think Bone Shields explicitly states what the max number of shields is, for that matter, although I know it is the same as the number created upon activation.

Under Corruption / Shadowflame:

• For Wraithform, the second line should be reworded a bit, something like "Your defense and armor will also be increased by x and y, respectively." The last line needs a comma: "... when the effect ends, you will randomly teleport."
• I feel like Darkfire should say the bolt "explodes in a flash..." instead of into, but I'm not 100% sure of that.
• For Fearscape, the second to last line needs a semicolon for the last bit - "... ending when it reaches 0; the amount drained..."

Under Corruption / Hexes:

• For Pacification Hex, the last part of the effect should read "... around it for 3 turns and giving a x% chance..." - no comma before the additional daze chance, and adding "a" before the x%.

Under Cunning / Survival:

• The last line of Evasion about increased effects should include a couple of "the"s - "The duration... and the chance to evade-" actually, the last bit should be completely rewritten for clarity, "... Willpower, the chance to evade attacks with Cunning, and Defense with Dexterity." On that note, is Defense always capitalized? In Evasion it is, but in Wraithform, it isn't.

Sorry if these are a little more nitpicky than what you're looking for, I've been doing a lot of English paper stuff lately, so my mind's on that kind of track.

And some more...

Under the Human description:

• In the general Human description, the second sentence where it reads "... they fought each other until events, and great people, unified..." should either remove the commas around "and great people" or, more likely, be replaced with hyphens.
• In the Higher description, the line about the Gift of the Highborn should have a comma after the racial name ("They posses the Gift of the Highborn, which...").
• For Cornacs, not sure if you want to replace the line about Humans being adaptable with specifying Cornacs, since that's their whole racial identity and is separate from Highers.

Under the Warrior general description, there's no comma necessary after "greatswords".

Under Technique / Two-Handed Assault:

• Fearless Cleave needs a comma after "foes" ("... toward your foes, using the momentum..."). The 3 wide arc is also a bit fuzzy, and it's different than Wyrmic's Ice Claw, which at early ranks behaves the same way, if I remember right, so maybe use the wording from Ice Claw? Also, the last line of Fearless Cleave needs a comma after "to move".
• Death Dance needs a comma in the second line ("At level 3, all...").
• Execution could use a little cleaning up. It should read "deals an extra x% of damage for every y% of HP the target is missing." I believe y% is always 1% but can't remember if that scales at all.

Under Technique / Berserker's Strength:

• The second line of Shattering Blow needs a comma after "Also" ("Also, if the target...").
• Relentless Fury needs a comma in the second line ("For 4 turns, you gain..."). The line after that about when it's usable is also a sentence fragment, you'd just need to put Relentless Fury at the very beginning to make it grammatically correct ("Relentless Fury is only usable...").

Under Technique / Combat Technique:

• Rush is written partially in the passive tense. Should be "If you reach the spot you rush to and it is occupied, you will perform..." Also, is the daze guaranteed if the attack hits, or is there a save in there? I thought if it was only a chance with a save check involved, it would list the chance to succeed. If it's automatic, then "can" should be removed.
• Precise Strikes needs to be a list for the effects: "... reducing your attack speed by x%, increasing your Accuracy by y, and critical chance by z%." Right now, there's an "and" before the Accuracy part.

Under Technique / Shield Defense:

• Repulsion should probably say "knock back" instead of "repel" in its description to keep in line with other knock back abilities ("... thrust and knock them back 2 tiles"). Speaking of, I don't think any other talent refers to "grids", so it should probably be "tiles".
• Shield Expertise needs some serious clarification, as it doesn't tell you how much it increases your damage and defense by at all. And is it talking about improving Defense or Armor?
• Last Stand is a bit wordy. Probably something like "... increasing Defense by x and current and maximum life by y; however, you are unable to move." The second line about not seeing how much HP you have also needs a comma - "... however, below 0 life..."

Because I apparently like doing this more than actually playing ToME at the moment...

Technique / Archery training:

• For Aim, everything should probably say "increasing your (stat) by x/y/z" instead of the parenthetical set-up right now, since it doesn't match up with the part about reducing firing speed, which doesn't use parentheses. Also, is there a particular reason why some talents note increased stat amounts of using parentheses vs. saying "increase (stat) by x"? I first noticed the discrepancy when looking at Aim, not sure how it works across the rest of the talents. I know some of the Combat Veteran talents use the parentheses for some reason as well, though.
• Rapid Shot suffers from the same inconsistency as Aim, using a mix of "increase by x" vs. parentheses.

Technique / Superiority:

• Onslaught states "... knock them all back in an frontal arc", when it should be "afrontal arc." The talent also mentions "grids", which should probably be "tiles". And another one that uses parentheses for a stat gain/loss, could probably be reworded to be similar to Shattering Impact.

Technique / Warcries:

• Shattering Shout needs a comma in the second line - "At level 5, the shout..." Also, "incoming" is spelled wrong in the description.
• Second Wind should probably note that maybe it restores 30% of your maximum stamina, and note how much that is in the description if possible.
• Battle Shout's first line should be swapped around and probably a little reworded, so it begins with "With a deafening bellow, you boost your life and stamina..." Again, maybe note how much life and stamina you gain if it's not too difficult.

Technique / Bloodthirst:

• Mortal Terror states your blows "inspire utter terror on your foes" when it should be in your foes. The second sentence should also read "... chance is also increased by x%."
• Bloody Butcher's first sentence should probably say "gaining x physical power." instead of "providing". Also, is Physical Power supposed to be capitalized or not? It is in Battle Cry's description but not here. The line about Strength improving the Physical Power gain feels a little awkward worded the way it is, but it should probably say "increased by your Strength" instead of "depends on" to better match the other talents.
• Unstoppable says you "... can not use items...", should be "cannot". I bring this up again (after a small debate from last time) because later in the description you use "cannot". :p Second line should probably mention that you "regain x% of your maximum health..." The last sentence should make Berserker Rage a possessive (Berserker's Rage critical bonus is disabled...). Also need a comma before "as you lose the thrill..."

Cunning / Dirty Fighting:

• Dirty Fighting is a bit of a unique case with the fact that it takes no turn if the stun fails, but maybe the sentence about stun chance increasing with Accuracy should still be last, to better match the rest of the talents?
• Backstab has different wording for noting increased critical chance than most other talents, but that's mostly a minor thing if it wants to be left for flavor.
• Cripple's last sentence about increased apply effect should probably just say "cripple" instead of "the status effect."

Technique / Field Control:

• Disengage says you jump "x grids" when I think it's supposed to be "tiles." If I'm wrong on this, please correct me lol.
• Heave uses "grids" in the first sentence. "Knockback" also seems to be randomly capitalized.
• Slow Motion should probably have "etc." instead of the ellipsis after "arrows".

> Drain has a bit of conflicting language.

The actual damage type is 'DRAIN_VIM' which uses a function called getRankVimAdjust, which specifies the following:



This is used as a multiplier. The actual vim returned to the user is: damage * 0.2 * getRankVimAdjust_value.

For example, a 'trash mob' is rank 1, and would return 0.7, therefore the caster would be returned: damage * (0.2 * 0.7) => damage * 0.14

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But that still doesn't really clarify anything in the tooltip, and the code you posted isn't clear right away either. Are you saying a trash mob will give 14% of the damage done back as vim? Either way, the tooltip itself needs some clarification as to how much vim you get - players shouldn't have to go digging in code to find this kind of stuff out. Information should be presented in a clear and easy manner.

Edit: some more race stuff.

• Under Elf general description, a comma should be added - "... except for the Shaloren, who magically sustain..."
• A bit of of awkwardness in the Shaloren description's first line. Maybe something like "... magic of the world, and in the past, produced many of the greatest mages." Additionally, they need another comma after Grace of the Eternal, further in the description.
• The Thaloren racial is worded a bit awkwardly as well. Maybe something like "... which boosts their own damage while granting a greater degree of protection once in a while." or something to that effect - the two effects should be separated a little bit.

Well, some things are designed by darkgod not to be obvious. And yes, 14% on the rank 1 mobs.

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> Absorb Life says it gives extra vim "for each kill of a non-undead creature..." Wouldn't it be cleaner to say "each time you kill a living creature"? Other parts of the game make reference to extra damage against living - there are separate egos for damage against living creatures vs. extra damage vs. undead ones.

I believe there are non-undead, non-living creatures. Strange but true.

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Also, almost all your comments are not so much literal typos as requests to change entire wording. I would suggest providing an exact description of what you would propose the change to be, for each talent, and let it be reviewed; it's not very likely to be changed w/o that kind of thing.

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> Shield Expertise needs some serious clarification, as it doesn't tell you how much it increases your damage and defense by at all. And is it talking about improving Defense or Armor?

This talent actually does not do anything by itself (except for the saves). It modifies the damage output of Shield Pummel, Shield Slam, and Assault; and increases both the armor and defense values of Shield Wall. The increases are nested inside other scaling functions, making it somewhat difficult to explain exactly how they work.

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I don't claim to understand the game's code or how everything works, but some of it's not very clear at all. I did ask stunt about posting these kinds of fixes or stuff (I asked when I posted all the stuff on Corruptor, initially), he said it was fine because this is what would be left after all of the obvious typos were fixed. Figured I'd just try to help get some of the stuff clarified as much as possible, and I thought I was giving good examples of what they could be changed to.

Edit: if the code is nested like you say for Shield Expertise, would it be possible to show the unmodified and modified amounts? Anything to show what it does - right now, it looks pretty underwhelming, even though if you look at guides and stuff, you'll max it out.

Here's an example for Shield Pummel:

Damage is: self:combatTalentWeaponDamage(t, 1, 1.7, self:getTalentLevel(self.T_SHIELD_EXPERTISE)))

If the Shield Expertise talent is talent level 1, you get combatTalentWeaponDamage(t,1,1.7,1) which translates to:

base=1
max=1.7
t2=1
talent level = 3 (for the Shield Mastery Skill, for example)

for
base + (max - base) * √ ((Talent Level + t2 / 2 ) / 5) ) => 1 + (1.7 - 1) * √ ((3 + 1/2) / 5)) => (1.7 * 0.83) => 1.42 (142% weapon damage)

If we take Shield Expertise up to level 5:


base + (max - base) * √ ((Talent Level + t2 / 2 ) / 5) ) => 1 + (1.7 - 1) * √ ((3 + 5/2) / 5)) => (1.7 * 1.04) => 1.42 (178% weapon damage)


Anyways, that's just an example of the code. The description could likely include the before and after bonus.

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Typo in 'Pain Enhancement System' prodigy: When you deal a critical hit your embedded system activates, increasing all your primary stats except Strength by 50% of your Strength for 6 turn.

Should be turns (plural)

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The description for the Sawmaiming category reads: "Use steam powered saws to their maximum efficiency! Main! Cut! Shred!"

"Main" should be "maim".

Under Spell / Explosive Admixtures:

• Alchemist Protection needs a comma in the second line - "At talent level 5, it also..."
• Explosion Expert's parenthetical use should be consistent, either have both notes about containment have parentheses or neither should.

Under Spell / Golemancy:

• Golem Resilience could use a little cleaning up. If all of the resists and Armor bonuses go up only when wearing heavy or massive armor, then that should go at the beginning ("When wearing heavy mail or massive plate armor, all damage resistance is increased by..." etc.). If the healing factor increase is separate from the armor class the golem is using, then that should also be a separate sentence.
• Invoke Golem probably wants to say "Physical Power" instead of "melee power" - I'm assuming that's what melee power is meant to be.
• Golem Portal does not need a comma in the first sentence, before "while."

Under Spell / Fire Alchemy:

• Flame Infusion should state the duration of the burn instead of just saying "a few turns." Also, and this goes for all of the infusions, a comma is needed in the second line - "In addition, all x damage you do..."
• Smoke Bomb is a bit confusing, but I'm guessing that if an enemy is already burning from another source, then Smoke Bomb will instantly deal the remaining damage from that burn and then extend the duration of the current burn by x amount? If so, then it should probably be something "If a creature inside the smoke is already burning, the smoke will trigger a flashfire which will instantly deal the remaining damage from the burn and then increase the duration of the burn by x turns."
• Body of Fire says it will shoot "1 random slow-moving fire bolts" - I know that higher levels will boost the number of bolts, but I figured I'd take this time when I noticed it to ask if it's feasible to make the noun match the number when it scales? So at 1, it's "bolt", then at 2+ it's "bolts."

Under Spell / Acid Alchemy:

• Caustic Mire says enemies will "suffer a x% slowness effect." I imagine this is just meant to be "a x% slow effect."

Under Spell / Frost Alchemy:

• Flash Freeze does not need a comma in the second line - "... can still act but cannot move."

Under Spell / Advanced-golemancy:

• Life Tap could probably be one sentence, just to clean things up. "You tap into your golem's life energies to replenish your own, draining x life."

Under Spell / Energy Alchemy:

• Thunderclap needs a comma in the first line - "By crushing an alchemist gem, you generate..."
• Living Lightning's note about increasing move speed doesn't need the + in front of the amount gained, as that's implied by "bolstering." The third line about damage to your health is awkward, maybe something like "In addition, any time you are hurt, you will be energized."

Under Race / Yeek:

• Dominant Mind reads "... you pull out your mind..." when it should be "you pull your mind out..." It also needs a comma right after that.
• Unity does not need a comma in the first line of its description.
• Wayist should capitalize Yeek Mindslayers in its description.

Under Spell / Stone Alchemy:

• Stone Touch should be redone a little bit - "... unable to act, regen life, and are very brittle." The next line should note whether the attack must deal x% of the target's current or maximum life. Next line should note that the target is resistant to "fire and lighting damage, ..." Next line needs a comma - "At level 3, the touch..."

Under Spell / Staff Combat:

• Channel Staff has some comma problems. They're not necessary in the second and third lines, but one is needed in the last line - "When projecting a bolt with your staff, its damage modifier..."

Under Golem / Arcane:

• Molten Skin says "the longer they stay within range, they higher the damage they take." Should be "... range, the higher..." Also, it should actually probably be "more fire damage they take" instead of "higher." The next line needs a comma - "In addition, the golem..."

Whitehoof description on the character creation screens says they have "ghoul talents" .

Isn't that supposed to be correct? They're undead minotaurs.

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