[DitL] Eden the Bree-Man Rogue (Madmonk's challenge)

[Grey]

Does the infuse work on egoed armour?

[Sirrocco]

Absolutely. It's a major alchemist class feature. It only works on the primary body armor, but it works on everything.

[Taxorgian]

Not only is it an alchemist feature, but it's one you can get from an escort quest. +1 to EVERY stat for free (OK one gp if you're unlucky) is an awesome gift.

[Sirrocco]

...and if you get it again, you can upgrade the gem a notch, and make it +2.

Mind you, the stat bonus isn't the *only* thing you can do with that gem - it's just the thing that is most obviously better than +1 dex.

[Burb Lulls]

• PATHS OF THE DEAD 8

“Couple of daggers, potions, leather armour… aaand a lantern. All set!” Grim took a few steps back, admiring her handiwork, “Ready to start your roguish ways again!”

“Well, technically, I considered a few other things essential to rogue-ing, flesh being an important one. Skin, blood, eyes… no rogue mentions them when listing their favourite attributes, but you can bet they’re thankful for them…”

“Honestly, none of the other skeletons are this fussy. Now then…” Grim crouched to inspect the circle of runes that surrounded Eden, “Just weaken this one here… cuh, this is so fiddly.”

Eden looked down, watching as Grim poked at one of the runes in the circle curiously, “Don’t you know what you’re doing? You’ve raised the undead before, haven’t you?”

“Well, yeah, but I usually keep ‘em in the circle a bit longer to completely bend them to my will, turning them into my mindless slaves for all of eternity with no hope of freedom whatsoever. The runes disappear by themselves then. Actually, that sounds a lot easier…”

“Weaken, damnable rune!” Eden stamped at one of the runes with his bony foot, causing it to flicker and fade, “Weaken!”

With a quiet hiss, the rune eventually faded entirely. Eden stepped out of the circle, feeling understandably strange; his new, lightweight body gave him the strange sense of being light-headed all over. “Anything else I should know about this pile of bones, Grim?”

Grim shrugged, “Not really… ah! Watch out when drinking potions. They’ll still effect you, but it’ll all just splash through your ribcage to the floor. One of main reasons why skeletons aren’t welcome in taverns, that.”

“I suppose I should head out, see if I can’t make my way back to Bree or something. By the way, I’m sorry that I’m the one going out for adventures all the time. If you ever want to have a go, all you have to do is ask.”

Grim dismissed Eden’s apology with a wave, “It’s no big deal. I’m stuck until necromancers are implemented anyway.”

“Right. So, if you’d just give me that cloak of deception…”

“What? Of course not,” Grim tugged the cloak around her tighter, “It’s cold.”

“But how am I meant to survive like this in the civilised world without that cloak?! Gimme!”

“Cold!” Grim repeated petulantly.

“… Fine. You give me no choice.”

• * * *

Eden wasn’t in love with the idea of being a skeleton just yet, but there was already one good thing about it – you could perform vicious headbutts. Eden left Grim gibbering on the dungeon floor, sans the cloak of deception. She’d be fine, he assured himself, he noticed a ghoul running off to go find some smelling salts.

Persuading Grim to part with her cloak with his forehead did have one downside however. With their creator unconscious, the myriad undead nasties roaming the Paths of the Dead had reverted to normal undead behaviour – claw, bite, burn and blast anything unfamiliar.

• Level 2! +3 Constitution, +1 Dual Weapon Training, +1 Knife Mastery

Eden’s jaw ground in a display of confusion. The potential for trap laying existed in his mind! He didn’t believe that his new membership in the anti-breathing club was behind this… maybe it was a sign that the world was changing, like Arenji predicted. Either way, it didn’t effect Eden now. “I barely trust people,” He decided, “So I’m not going to trust a rattlin’, cobbled-together pile of cogs and crude explosives to save my life. … Unlife.”

• PATHS OF THE DEAD 7

Eden was relieved as he saw an old, forgotten pair of rough leather boots in the corner of one of the path’s many dark chambers. While they felt strange on his bony feet, at least they muffled his footsteps. His clacking and clattering footfalls beforehand had all the stealth of a tap dancer. “Why, mere days ago my toes were clad in legendary footwear like Eden’s Guile or the Frost Treads, and now I’m just happy to get them in some good ol’ rough leather. How circumstances change…”

The second new piece of equipment Eden found, a copper amulet, confused him initially, until he noticed that the knife to the clavicle he had received from the assassin lord in his previous life had given said clavicle a chip… the perfect place to anchor an amulet! “He’s the murderous gift that keeps on giving!” Eden thought grimly, “It’d be a shame if he came back to life somehow as well as me.”

• PATHS OF THE DEAD 6

• Level 3! +2 Dexterity, +1 Constitution, +1 Dual Weapon Training, +1 Skeleton

“I have gained a point of skeleton. Correct my grammar at your peril.”

Eden muttered to himself as he continued his trek upwards, “So, let’s take stock of the situation, make sure I haven’t lost too much of my mind. I remember my name, where I’m from, shoe size, Grim, obviously… that slimeball mayor, I never knew his name even when I was alive, what else… flurry? Flurry? Uh oh.” He had forgotten how to flurry! “No!” He wailed, “Without my flurries, I’m just another goon with a knife! With flurries I was just another goon with a knife, but I least I could stab with it really quick! Hope I haven’t forgotten anything else important…”

Skeleton mages put the fear in Eden when he was at his best, so in his current weakened form the telltale robe and smell of burnt adventurer covering the approaching skeleton set his knees knocking together like castanets. His fear was such that he willingly leapt backwards into a poison trap to get out of its line of sight. The stream of effluence that the trap released onto Eden wasn’t enough to distract him from felling the mage, though; in fact, it barely effected him at all.

“Poison immunity? Okay, that’s another pro for being a skeleton, but I bet there’s tons of cons I haven’t figured out yet!”

• PATHS OF THE DEAD 5

“Ah, another skeleton. Right, this shouldn’t take more than --”

You have died!

• PATHS OF THE DEAD 8

In an instant, Eden found himself back within the circle of runes he had laid in when he first began life as a skeleton. He shot a bony glare at Grim, “Mithril equipment, huh?”

Grim, who was sporting a prominent bruise on her forehead, responded without her usual good cheer, “It was a present.”

“If you’ve got mithril to outfit your minions with, why don’t you give me any?!”

“You’re lucky you’re getting another set of basic rogue gear after that stunt you pulled!” Grim snapped, the cloak of deception once again around her shoulders, “Now get outta here.”

“Fine…” Grumbled Eden, shuffling towards the door. He eyed the cloak covetously, “Just one thing… yoink!”

“HEY! GIVE THAT BACK!”

• PATHS OF THE DEAD 7

Eden spied the telltale structure of a vault. His sarcastic laugh was loud and open, “Hah! Yes, I’m definitely going in there! Thank heavens for Vault-Tec vault doors; the horrors in there are staying in there.”

• PATHS OF THE DEAD 6

“Tch, these guys are still attacking me even with Grim conscious. She’s probably still mad at me.”

• PATHS OF THE DEAD 5

“And she took those boots and the amulet I found! What, did she own them? Does she use this place as a wardrobe as well as a lair?”

• Level 4! +3 Constitution, +1 Flurry, +1 Knife Mastery

“Hmhmhmhm… aaahahaha! Give me an F! Give me an L! Give me an URRY!” Christening his reclaimed skill on an unfortunate rat, Eden laughed, “I am back in the saddle!”

• PATHS OF THE DEAD 4

“Ooh, a wand.” Apart from Gwai’s hand-cannon, Eden hadn’t found a single wand during his living adventures, so the length of wood he now held intrigued him. He gave it an idle wave, attempting to coax out its power, but nothing happened. With a shrug he decided to wait until he had it identified to use it properly. It was Grim’s after all, it could’ve been anything from ‘summon unthinkable horror’ to ‘lipstick’.

• Level 5! +1 Dexterity, +2 Constitution, +1 Dual Weapon Training, +1 Dual Weapon Defence

• PATHS OF THE DEAD 3

The small gold vault Eden uncovered caused his heart (or rather, where his heart should’ve been) to beat a little faster, but he couldn’t help but feel a nagging feeling of pointlessness. He wasn’t allowed in shops during his life, so he’d never get into one as a skeleton!

Eden’s eye sockets trailed to the cloak of deception, “… Would I?”

• * * *

“WAAOW!” Eden rounded on the lightning trap angrily, “Alright, that’s it! You’re too strong! I shouldn’t have to put up with this! I’ve played Nethack and… uh?” The trap had caused a casualty – his wand!

“No…! I can’t believe this is… huh,” Eden stopped, sounding rather more calm, “Never lost a wand to equipment destruction before. Kind of a novelty, actually. Ah, new experiences mould us…”

• PATHS OF THE DEAD 2

A skeleton mage waited in ambush for Eden. Unfortunately, he chose to wait right next to the stairs. Eden snickered, shaking magically-charged bone dust from his daggers.

• Level 6! +2 Dexterity, +1 Constitution, +1 Flurry, +1 Knife Mastery

A signpost with a note attached to it stood beside the stairs leading to the next level. “Goodness, Grim’s turning into the Master,” Eden thought to himself, “I swear, if she says ‘beware my wrath’…”

“Dear Eden,

I’m sorry that I was mean before, I should’ve given you the cloak. I’ve been a bit on-edge recently, ever since I lost my wand of haircare. If you find it, could ya bring it back to me?”

Eden thought back to the pile of ash previously known as a wand, then continued:

“Good luck fitting into the world as a skeleton. I KNOW you’ll like being dead, trust me! Kiss kiss, Grim. :3

PS: Watch out for Deadcount on the first floor. He’s a little old and cranky.”

“Deadcount?”

• PATHS OF THE DEAD 1

“Deadcount!”

While Eden had fought through a bunch of undead horrors to escape the Paths of the Dead, he now faced a literal ‘bunch of undead’, a hideous amalgam of assorted corpses shaped roughly into a giant-sized humanoid. Even without a formal greeting, Eden knew this was Grim’s pet project, Deadcount.

“GWAAAAAAARGHHH!!!” Commented Deadcount.

“Okay,” Eden drew his knives; it’d been a long time since a boss battle, “I think its time to put you – all of you? – to rest.”

Unfortunately, this was quite difficult to perform in practice. Even in its obvious unfinished state Deadcount was a deadly adversary, Eden’s strikes being ignored as they struck masses of largely superfluous flesh and bone. The beast possessed a special attack of sorts, in which it would rip shards of bone from its own body and hurl them at Eden. While this was hardly pleasant, it gave Eden the opportunity he needed to fell the bone giant.

Deadcount needed to stop to throw bones at Eden, meaning it gave Eden a chance to back away or hurriedly quaff a potion of healing before coming back into range of the creature’s stunning claws. It also gave him time to warm up between flurries, since one obviously wasn’t enough to put this bony menace away.

Eden’s stamina was dwindling, but so was Deadcount’s. Luckily, Eden had found a scroll of phase door previously, and the distance it put between the pair was long enough for him to summon up enough energy for one final flurry.

“FLURRYFLURRYFLURRYFLURRY-andhowabouta-FLURRY.”

Deadcount’s malignant mass fell to the floor with a clatter. “Yes!” Eden cheered, then went to instinctively brush his hair back. Feeling skull under his fingers startled him somewhat. “Geez, bald forever. Bet my beard’s missing too. Might have to find a fake one…”

• Level 7! +1 Dexterity, +2 Constitution, +1 Flurry, +1 Skeleton

• WILDERNESS

Eden emerged from the Paths of the Dead, felt the sun on his bones, and felt a little better. His misadventures in the east seemed like a dream now. Soon enough though, his thoughts turned to his new undead nature; just how exactly was he going to live like this?

Scanning his surroundings, a toothy grin came to Eden’s face as he spied a nearby village – Bree. What luck! The one place in the world where he didn’t care what people thought of him…

There was a little more than one death in getting out of the Paths - try three or four. Still not sure if I'm continuing properly, but what the hey.

[PowerWyrm]

Awesome... we need more of those stories.

[martinuzz]

Great story m8!

Look at what I just found in level 2 of the Trollshaws: A pair of yellow boots!



They give:

Armor 1, defense 2
cunning +3
cunning/survival mastery +0.20
can be used to boost speed, costing 50/50

[Burb Lulls]

Look at what I just found in level 2 of the Trollshaws: A pair of yellow boots!

Heeheehee.

• WILDERNESS

Eden stood, took a deep breath of crisp, autumnal air (which whistled through his skull) and began to make his way to Bree. This was around the point where burning, gaping holes tore through the sky. The land began to crumble and become insubstantial, and the mountains in the distance were being consumed by a growing blank void.

“Hmm,” Thought Eden slowly, “Something strange seems to be happening.”

“Eden!” Grim had appeared at the mouth of the Paths of the Dead, looking as though she had run through eight levels of dungeon, “It’s happening! It’s finally happening!” Eden began to ask what exactly was happening, but received his answer as Arenji’s terrible figure tore through the sky, his laughter high and deranged.

“Behold! The end of the world is at hand! See your existence falter and fade, but know that I will live! I WILL ALWAYS LIVE!” The mad Vala’s shrieking and cackling form flew into the sunset, his laughter continuing to echo.

“Wonderful,” Muttered Eden as the destruction of the world approached where he and Grim stood, “I evade death, and now all of Arda is getting the finger. Story of my life, isn’t it? Well, story of my unlife.”

Despite the literal apocalypse occurring around her, Grim remained buoyant, “Never mind, Eden. Perhaps we’ll have more luck… in the next life…”

“Next life? I think the Halls of Waiting are getting destroyed too, y’know.”

“No, silly!” Grim laughed, “Maj’Eyal! That’s where we’re going! You, me, everyone! Well, everyone not truly affiliated with Tolkien…”

“Maj’Eyal…” Eden pondered, “Know anything about this new world?”

Grim gave a small shrug, “Not really. I hear the Valar are trying to get auditions to be the gods there. Tulkas better hope that there’s a god of punching things…”

“New world…” Eden repeated. A moment’s thought later, he brightened, “Hey, new world! Will my green hair actually make sense in the new world?”

“Nope, still medieval fantasy I’m afraid. … Why the heck did you have green hair here?”

Eden looked up, considering the skull where his shamrock locks once rested, “I… tried explaining it away by saying that my grandfather was of the Drüedain. Their hair gets a little mossy, doesn’t it? Still, doesn’t matter now, I’m bone-based. SAY!” Eden leapt up, startling Grim, “Maybe I’ll come back to life in the new world, not be a skeleton anymore! Now that would be worth destroying an entire universe for!”

“Well, you’re going to get your answer soon…” Grim sidestepped, the land she was previously stood on crumbling into the void, “Geez…”

Eden offered a feeble wave to the land being vaporised around him, “Well, bye Arda. It’s been real. … SAY!” Eden leapt up again, “If we’re saying goodbye to Middle-Earth permanently, there’s one thing I’ve just got to do…”

• VALINOR

Thanks in part to the dimensions of Arda crumpling, and the complete disappearance of the Great Sea, Eden had made his way to Valinor and now stood before a figure of legend.

“Young man, I do not know how you found me, but also does it not matter,” Gandalf stood before Eden in his beardy majesty, his eyes watery and unsure, “But we must speak. The world is falling apart in ways I cannot repair or even comprehend, so I ask that you – HEY! GIVE ME MY HAT BACK!”

“BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

And then, Arda disappeared.

• ???

Eden lay in darkness, yet instead of fear or uncertainty, he felt déj? vu. This was the exact same darkness he felt when he met his end in Ardhungol. Seeing as that wasn’t enough to stop him permanently, he felt less anxious about the shadow that enveloped him now.

His vision slowly returned, but not yet enough to discern his surroundings. “Middle-Earth… gone. Bit of a shake-up, eh Grim?” He assumed Grim was still beside him, “Wonder what the new Bree-analogue will be called. Starbridge, Bynara, Rhul, Redbay… whatever it is, I just hope the people are a little nicer.”

“Hey, one good thing I hadn’t noticed before about this new world,” Eden continued, now sitting up, “Now I’ve got lots more god names to use for my exclamations…” His eyesight finally returning properly, Eden’s face fell as he realised where he was, “… and I think I might have to use one now…”

He was back at the bottom of the Paths of the Dead. Or rather, the Blighted Ruins.

“OH, BY AMAKTHEL’S WHEELCHAIR! I HAVE TO GO UP AGAIN?!”

“I guess that means I’m still a skeleton as well! Gods!” Eden paced angrily, indeed still a skeleton, “Alright, okay, let’s get this show on the road. Weaken that rune, give me that cloak, and I’ll get… moving…?”

The necromancer that stood with his back turned to Eden was not Grim.

[Grey]

Amakthel's wheelchair, hahaha! Good to have Eden back in the new world :)

[Vee]

Can't wait to see which role Grim plays in this part of the story - and ... if Eden meets a certain Anorithil again... (weren't there shippers around here?)

[Burb Lulls]

Eden watched in silence as the necromancer muttered furiously to himself, his fingers tented together, “Oh, yes… YES! One more for my collection… my collection, yes… a powerful one indeed!”

“Hmhm, always good to start a new universe on a compliment.” Eden thought to himself. Regardless of this, he wasn’t comforted by the necromancer’s behaviour – he was obviously touched in the head. Giggling and shaking, gnarled hands continuously grasping at imagined objects… Granted, Grim was hardly rational, but at least her quirks were cute.

“A powerful tool against my enemies,” The necromancer continued, “Yes, yes. They all hate me, but I will show them my power!”

“A tool?” Eden spoke tartly, “What do I look like, a claw hammer?”

In an instant the necromancer whirled around, a maddened glare on his face. It was at this point Eden noticed the necromancer’s disfigurement – with a huge collection of scars and a milky eye, he wasn’t winning any beauty pageants anytime soon, “You cannot talk. You cannot talk! You are a slave, a tool! Be quiet!”

Eden folded his arms and glowered as the necromancer turned away again. A small hissing noise brought Eden’s attention to the familiar circle of runes at his feet – one was flickering and fading away. In comparison to Grim’s, the new necromancer’s runes were hastily scrawled and amateurish: The necromancer seemed to get distracted easily, his runecraft degenerating into writing hate-filled gibberish every now and then.

The rune faded entirely, allowing Eden to sneak up behind the necromancer; his bony feet weren’t stealthy, but the necromancer was hardly vigilant.

“Gaarck!” The necromancer was floored by Eden’s kick. He scrabbled backwards frantically as Eden advanced. “What have you done with Grim?!” Eden barked.

“Grim?! I-I-I don’t know who you mean, master! Master! Please, spare me! I am pitiful! I will not stop you, let me leave!”

“You haven’t done anything with Grim?” Eden muttered, “Well, surely you know her! All you necromancers stay in touch with eachother, don’t you? She’s about yay high, carries a scythe, blue eyes, hair kinda looks like a banana peel…”

But the necromancer wasn’t listening, instead wittering and fanatically kissing Eden’s toes. Eden winced with disgust as he babbled, “Oh, master! Let me live! I can give you a cloak that will conceal your true nature! With it all people will see when they look at you is a normal, average human! I -- OOF!”

This speech earned the necromancer another kick from Eden, “Ah ha! If you don’t know Grim, how come you’ve got her cloak, eh? I oughta cut you open right now!”

“No! No! It is my cloak! All necromancers have them! We have a special shop and -- SOUL ROT!”

The necromancer hadn’t counted on Eden’s rogue reflexes, and the bolt of pestilence he had hastily cast sailed over his shoulder. Eden’s daggers sailed through the necromancer’s shoulder.

“ARRRG! You… you are alone in this world! You will be destroyed!”

• BLIGHTED RUINS 7

“I wonder… was that necromancer telling the truth when he said that it was his cloak? In truth, even if he had killed Grim it wasn’t much of a tragedy – she had her contingency plans. She had said previously that she was looking forward to becoming the world’s first blonde lich.”

• BLIGHTED RUINS 6

“Not many skeletons mages around. Heavens, this necromancer’s hopeless!”

• BLIGHTED RUINS 5

“Geez, look at all this blight everywhere.”

• Level 2! +2 Dexterity, +1 Constitution, +1 Dual Weapon Training, +1 Knife Mastery

• BLIGHTED RUINS 4

“Why yes, these levels aren’t getting described because I just ploughed through them in Middle-Earth moments previously, that’s quite right.”

• BLIGHTED RUINS 3

“Seriously, that necromancer was terrible! He didn’t even have any potions! Just these… funny paper things. This one has a picture of a door on it… this one has a sun…”

• Level 3! +2 Dexterity, +1 Constitution, +1 Dual Weapon Training, +1 Weapon Combat

• BLIGHTED RUINS 2

“Perhaps they’re collectible cards for some new minigame I’m guessing exists. Gotta catch ‘em all! I bet the Master is a limited edition holographic card…”

• BLIGHTED RUINS 1

“GWAAARG!” The unfinished bone giant roared, “GWAAAA -- ack!”

• Level 4! +1 Dexterity, +2 Constitution, +1 Dual Weapon Defence, +1 Knife Mastery

• Level 5! +1 Dexterity, +2 Constitution, +1 Dual Weapon Training, +1 Flurry

“Yes, yes, I’ve heard this song before. Now gimme my phial and… huh?”

The bone giant hadn’t dropped a phial. The only thing it had dropped was a strange length of rope, previously used to hold many of its skulls onto its body. Eden took up the rope curiously, sensing residual traces of magic in its fibres.

“You know you’ve got too much time on your hands when you start enchanting ropes.”

• WILDERNESS

Once again, Eden emerged from a mad necromancer’s lair, but an entirely different landscape awaited him this time. Eden took his map of Middle-Earth from his pack and cast it away, “Looks like my map’s worthless now. I’ll just have to rely on my sense… of… direction…”

Eden stopped. It was a new world. His “sense of direction” was useless. He had instinctively looked for the Misty Mountains on the horizon to get his bearings, and was quite surprised to see they had vanished. Thinking further, he realised that the mere existence of the necromancer lair behind him meant that he was precisely in the middle of nowhere. He couldn’t count on any wandering patrols to save him.

“Well!” Eden began, a slight crack in his voice, “May as well try to build a shelter! What do I have to do first, punch wood…?”

Fortunately, Eden’s knuckles were saved from some nasty splinters as he spied smoke on the horizon – a settlement.

“Ah! That must be the new Bree!”

• ZIGUR

Eden edged along the rough dirt path carefully. It had been dug into the side of a cliff beside a lake and left little room for error. “Is this really the only way into town?” Eden muttered to himself, “You’d almost think they didn’t want people to find this place!”

As Eden reached the path’s end and beheld the settlement proper, his first reaction was… bafflement. Was this really the new Bree? Bree was hardly an affluent town, but at least its buildings were built from stone – the ramshackle wooden structures here looked like a stiff breeze would blow them away. It seemed more like a nomadic encampment than a village.

Furthermore, the settlement appeared deserted. “Just where is everyone?” Eden wondered. Turning on the spot, he noticed the large group of warriors and wilders grouped behind him, various implements of pain at the ready, “… Ah. There they are.”

The group gazed upon Eden, judging the trespasser in their settlement. Finally, one of their number approached him, a large berserker woman wielding a brutal battleaxe. “Your opinion on mages. Speak now!”

Thrown off-guard by the unexpected question, Eden searched through his mind for mages he had met. “Well, they’re sort of…” Grim? “… silly…” Gunadek? “… strange…” Xanodann? “… prideful…” Beturin? “… pretty, easily stabbed…” Salareyavea? “… weak necks…” Finally, Eden’s mind came to his experiences in Angolwen, “… bunch of jerks, basically.”

The berserker woman glared at Eden, almost as though she was considering decapitating him then and there… then suddenly dropped her axe, threw her arms around him and brought him into a bone-crushing hug. “Friend!” She laughed, “You are welcome here in Zigur. Throwing in that pretty part for a laugh, ha! Come, surely you’ll want to meet our trainer. He’s our interim leader of sorts…”

Ushered along by the now friendly and chatting throng, Eden wondered to himself – people are certainly accepting of skeletons here, aren’t they? That was when he saw it, idly spotting his reflection in the large lake beside the settlement… he looked human! From his previously yellow-clad feet to his incongruous green hair, he was back! He had never liked his eyes – a bit squinty and dull – but he was overjoyed to see them back in his eye sockets.

Then he remembered… the cloak of deception. Sneakily looking underneath his cloak, he only saw a ribcage, with one rib missing.

The group had approached one of the largest buildings in the settlement and were now pushing Eden towards its door. As his hand moved to open it, he heard a thundering, impossibly-deep voice from beyond it, “What is this?! I do smell the malodorous stench of magic in my vicinity!”

The trainer of the Ziguranth burst through the door before Eden. Like many he had met on his journeys – Golbug, Aeryn – the trainer began by simply staring at Eden, but Eden could sense something odd in his gaze; it was almost as if he was attempting to stare straight through him, through his cloak of deception…

The trainer eventually spoke, a grimace so set in his face that it looked like it had been there since childhood, “I will be frank. You unsettle me, outsider.”

“Is it the cloak? I have to wear it, I have a condition.” Hey, he was being truthful, technically…

“Never mind your garments…” The trainer paused, sniffing with disgust, “… rife with egos and enchantments as they are. The members of our order trust you, and so I shall trust you as well. But! You will have to prove yourself to us. Return when your power has grown ten times without the aid of magic…”

“Hold on,” Eden interrupted, “I’m level five now. I have to come back when I’m level fifty?! Geez, that’s a whole-game investment, I--”

“No, level fifteen, slow one,” The trainer growled, “I didn’t say by ten times, I just said ten times. Now leave us.”

Already, the crowd of people behind Eden were moving to usher him out of the settlement. Calling over his shoulder, Eden yelled, “Hey, wait! Where am I meant to go?! This is the Bree-analogue, isn’t it?!”

“What?” The trainer shook his head as Eden was forced away, “You speak nonsense, child. If you desire supplies and rest, travel to Derth. It is just a small journey to the north.”

• DERTH

Eden entered the town of Derth, beheld the bustling streets, quaint stone buildings, familiar town square… and slapped his forehead with frustration. “Of, for… this is where I’ve wanted to be all this time! This is just Bree with a different signpost outside! I’ve just been messing around with a bunch of half-mad wilders for no reason whatsoever!” That said, their promises of “training” if he denied himself the use of magic did seem tempting…

Eden’s eyes fell on the town scribe’s store, and a smile slowly crept across his face. It was finally time to perform a little trading.

However, on entering the store, it was apparent that something was wrong. The curtains were drawn, a thin film of dust covered every surface, and the scribe sat behind the counter viewed Eden with obvious contempt. “I think you’ve entered the wrong shop, sir.” He spat sarcastically.

“Sorry?” Eden glanced around. He noticed that there were no scrolls – only a few of those funny slips of paper like he had found in the blighted ruins, “I just wanted some things identified and--”

In an instant the scribe was on his feet and chasing Eden from the shop. “Don’t mock me!” He howled, “Ever since that mad woman next door came to town my store’s been going under! That identifying tart! Here, see if you can identify this kick up the backside! Get!”

Eden fled the store. A mad woman had recently moved into town? Eden sighed, “Ha, knew Grim would be okay. Well, better go see her…”

• * * *

“What? You’re not Grim.”

Indeed, as Eden’s astute eyesight had discerned, Elisa was not Grim. She was Elisa.

The seer who was sat behind the counter hopped up on seeing Eden, her face breaking into a giant grin. She wore an astounding assortment of jewellery, enough to give her gait a distinctive jingle, and her black hair was long and decidedly messy. “Heheheh! Hi there! Welcome to Elisa’s scrying store! How may I help you today?”

Stunned by the enthusiastic greeting, Eden only managed some quiet mumbling before Elisa had grabbed his satchel. She rooted through it frantically, giggling and gasping as she took out each new item. “Aah…! Manidosin! Yvogalaith! Chuleg! The girdle of Calm Waters! Heeeheeheehee!”

Eden backpeddled in shock, “Are you okay?! You sound like you’re having a seizure!”

“What?! No, silly!” Elisa laughed, “They’re just the names of these artefacts! Man, you’ve got a whole bunch of ‘em!”

“Really?” Said Eden, pleased, “Any artefact daggers in there…?”

Elisa shook her head. “Of course not.” Eden muttered to himself. Still, that Calm Waters thing sounded useful.

“These are so spiffy!” Elisa continued, “You’ve just got to go find me more! Here!” Elisa had thrust a strange glass orb into Eden’s hand, “Give me a call on that any time you find an artefact and I’ll identify it for you!”

Eden shook the orb curiously, “Isn’t this a palantir?”

“No!” Shouted Elisa, a little too loudly.

While initially overcome by Elisa’s energy, Eden decided that she was a harmless – and potentially helpful – loon, and bowed his head in gratitude, “Thanks for the scrying, Elisa. I’ll be going now.” He began to leave, but turned his head back as he reached the door, “Incidentally, if you happen to hear about a woman called Grim, be sure to tell me, alright?”

“Oh, her? No. I haven’t heard of her.”

In an instant, Eden was back at the counter. Was this a harmless loon? No. She was a harmful loon. “What?! Oh, her? You know Grim!”

“Do I?” Elisa grinned, a strange new light in her eyes.

Before he knew what he was doing, Eden had slammed a fist down onto the counter, grabbing Elisa by her many necklaces, “Where is she?!”

Elisa was unmoved, “Please!” She laughed, “Control yourself, Eden! What would the citizens of Derth think if they knew such an uncouth skeleton was in town?” Eden fell back, stunned; she could see through the cloak of deception.

“You… you just better tell me where she is, or…”

“Or what?” Elisa now sat forward, giggling with malice. Unable to think of anything else to say, Eden turned on his heel and left the shop. “Thank you! Have a lovely day!” Elisa called over his shoulder.

• * * *

Eden stormed around the streets of Derth, growing angrier and angrier at his sense of powerlessness. He had already lost one woman thanks to his impotence in Ardhungol, he wasn’t about to lose another. “Come on, Eden!” He said to himself, “You’re a rogue! Rogues are meant to be cold, cruel, cunning, calculating, other c-words. Think like the Assassin Lord! Think like Novan! Think…”

Eden looked down at the Orb of Scrying in his hands. He had thought of something.

• TROLLSHAWS 1

Stood at the entrance of the Trollshaws, Eden thought back. The first time he had stood here seemed so long ago that it was as if it took place in another world. Then he realised – it did.

“Now then,” Thought Eden, “All I’ve got to do is find the right candidate for my plan…”

• TROLLSHAWS 2

Eden frowned. His skeletal body wasn’t nearby as powerful as he had become while he was alive – trolls were a challenge again, and he had been stunned by their club strikes on more than one occasion already. There was a strangely high number of cave trolls around, despite the total lack of caves. “I suppose even trolls go on holiday sometimes.”

• TROLLSHAWS 3

Eden’s journey continued. Notably, he hadn’t spotted any fellow adventurers during his travels. “I wonder if Grinymnir was associated with Tolkien. He might’ve been one of the fools at the Prancing Pony, or one of the rank-and-file soldiers in Minas Tirith. All the others, too. Gunydir, Hathyrath, Boryrab, Beturin… Beturin.”

For the first time since his death, Eden’s thoughts truly turned to his estranged anorithil sweetheart(?). The last he had heard about her was that she had been caught and held within Ardhungol. Was she still alive? Did somebody else go down and save her? Did she even exist at all now? Painful as it was, Eden forced himself to ignore these thoughts for the moment. “I’ve already got a distressed damsel to save at the moment.”

• TROLLSHAWS 4

A strange building came to Eden’s attention. A tiny structure, smaller than a normal house, yet when Eden approached it he could hear a distinctive and loud hissing. “What is this?” He wondered, “Gas leak? No, of course not. It almost sounds like snakes, but it couldn’t be…”

Then he saw the amount of tails and fangs sticking out from under the door, not to mention the amount of venom dripping down it. “So, apparently… somebody saw fit to stuff this building full to bursting with snakes, and just… left them here.” Eden shrugged, “Well, to each his own I guess. I think I’ll just leave this… experiment… alone.”

• Level 6! +2 Dexterity, +1 Constitution, +1 Dual Weapon Defence, +1 Weapon Combat

• TROLLSHAWS 5

Now deep within the Trollshaws, Eden began his search proper. He would have to find a suitable… specimen… for his plan.

The icy orc wyrmic Eden found here, confused and babbling about “worlds colliding” and “Gorbat” appeared to be suitable, as did the honey tree he found that had burst straight through the floor of an old, abandoned manor, but neither seemed just right for Eden’s purposes.

“Hmhm, if only that Bill was still around,” Eden thought, “He would’ve been perfect.”

“Me, perfect? Muhah! You make Bill blush!”

“Whaa!” Spinning around, Eden beheld the belligerent bulk of Bill behind him. “Bill?!” Eden squeaked, “But you… I…! You’re dead, aren’t you?!”

Bill raised a finger to his chin in a mockery of thought, giggled and brought his club down on Eden’s head, flooring him. “Heehee! If Bill dead, Bill not be able to do that! Talkative food, aren’t you?”

Getting to his feet, Eden stammered, “But… b-but… hey, you’re from Tolkien’s works, aren’t you? Aren’t you meant to be… kinda… gone?!”

Bill shook his head, drool flying from his lips, “Of course not! Bill common troll name! You know it mean ‘eater of silly grass-haired rogues’ in tongue of Kerzak dominion! Hee!”

Bill brought his club down again, but this time Eden was ready. Unfortunately, unlike his last fight with Bill, this time the gargantuan troll posed a considerable challenge. Eden knew that going toe-to-toe will Bill would only end in disaster, and so spent much of the fight in a ‘strategic retreat’, only entering melee range for flurries and opportunistic dual strikes. Cowardly or not, the strategy was successful, and soon enough Bill’s perforated body fell to the ground and ceased moving entirely.

• Level 7! +1 Dexterity, +2 Constitution, +1 Flurry, +1 Weapon Combat

Looking upon Bill’s body, Eden’s mind returned to his plan. “This’ll be just perfect…”

Activating the Orb of Scrying with a slap, Eden watched as Elisa’s face slowly materialised upon the orb’s surface. Elisa, on seeing Eden addressing her, grinned, “Ah! Eden! What can I help you with today?”

“Nothing,” Replied Eden darkly, “Just wanted to hear a friendly voice.”

“Aww, really?”

“Of course not, fool. I’ve got this artefact I need identifying…” Eden held up the strange, light amulet he had found around Bill’s neck. On seeing it, Elisa trilled, “Aah, that’s the Feathersteel Amulet! Makes ya feel nice and buoyant.”

“Really? That’s nice. Do you know how I got this amulet?”

“Surprise me.”

Eden held up the item he held in his other hand – Bill’s head. “Take a look, Elisa. Take a good, long look.”

Elisa smile remained, but Eden could detect a slight change in her eyes, “That’s… that’s the head of Bill, right? That troll who’s been terrorising people around Derth lately?”

“Yep,” Eden smiled, “And I just decapitated him.” Looking at the troll’s head, he mumbled, “See that neck? Got through it in one slice. How thick is your neck, Elisa?”

For the first time, the smile disappeared from Elisa’s face, but she remained defiant, “Feh. So what if you killed some dumb troll? Stupid, stone-brained things. Besides, it was probably a fluke.”

“A fluke?” The idea of his victory being a fluke brought Eden’s memory back to the conversation he had heard between the mayor of Bree and the townspeople, “Do you know what happened to the last person to call one of my victories a fluke? He doesn’t even exist anymore!” Granted, it wasn’t Eden who stopped him existing, but it was true nonetheless.

But Elisa was already laughing once again, singing, “? Fluke fluke fluke! ? Nyah.”

“Fine then. I guess it was a fluke. Talk to you later.”

“Oh? Later? Why?”

“I’m going to swing by that place… what’s it called? The ruins of Kor’Pul…”

[greycat]

Pretty cool. I like your interpretation of Elisa. In my mind, she's always just been a batty old cat-lady....

[Burb Lulls]

• WILDERNESS

• Level 8! +2 Dex, +1 Con, +1 Flurry, +1 Knife Mastery

The journey back through the Trollshaws uncovered two further artefacts. A peculiar crooked club – of no use to Eden as a weapon, but it made for a stellar backscratcher – and a leather sling which was entirely mundane except for its name – Voidblast.

“Voidblast,” Proclaimed Eden grandly, “A mighty battleaxe? A noble blade? … A dagger, even? No, a length of leather used to hurl stones at people.”

• RUINS OF KOR’PUL 1

Before coming to the ruins, Eden had spent some time in Derth’s library, both to get a little rudimentary knowledge of the new world he was in, and to do some research on his next target – Kor’Pul. As it turned out, Kor’Pul’s story was one Eden was all too familiar with: Mad necromancer, ruined lair, shade remains, heaps of undead. For all the stigma and fear that surrounded necromancers, the ones that Eden had met were either silly, ineffectual, or possessed a uniquely simple and childlike modus operandi. Still, Kor’Pul’s shade was likely more powerful than a normal skeleton mage, so that immediately made him a threat in Eden’s book.

While similar to Amon S?l, Eden couldn’t help but feel a greater sense of danger from these particular ruins. One feature of note on the first floor was two large, crypt-like vaults, both guarded by armoured skeleton warriors obsessed with wrenching Eden’s knives from his hands. Fortunately for Eden, armour hangs awkwardly on bare bone, leaving him plenty of weak spots to target and granting him two relatively safe victories.

The first crypt offered no great treasure, causing Eden some small disappointment. The second crypt however offered an exceptional iron greatsword, Yvogalaith the Rootgrinder. This caused Eden greater disappointment. Yvogalaith would’ve been a fine weapon for a musclebound mold-brained berserker, but Eden was… differently strong, shall we say.

• RUINS OF KOR’PUL 2

Eden gasped and panted. He had been jumped simultaneously by two skeleton warriors as he had entered a new chamber. While skeleton warriors weren’t as armoured as armoured skeleton warriors (obviously), they were more dangerous to Eden; they struck viciously, to stun and to kill, and didn’t just concentrate on yanking the daggers from his hands. “That’s why there’s no stealing-based skills in this game, after all,” Eden thought, “The smart rogue only loots bodies after they’ve stopped moving.”

But what were the skeletons guarding? Gold? Jewels? Artefacts? … A rough leather cap?

None of these things. Eden could scarce believe it, but once again he was faced with Bill’s Tree Trunk. “Nice to see you survived the jump between worlds, ya old piece of wood, you,” Eden spoke to the trunk, tapping it idly, “I did notice that Bill was just using an ordinary club instead of the trunk… I wonder if there’s rivalries between the different dungeons, like Kor’Pul’s shade got a load of his skeletons to steal Bill’s trunk on a dare…”

• * * *

Facing one skeleton mage is dangerous, that much is obvious. Facing two is perilous. Three, at Eden’s current strength, suicide. So a whole cabal? Eden viewed the vault with trepidation. “I suppose… if I use the terrain carefully… just make flurries of opportunity, no normal attacks, phase when needed… ah.”

Eden’s plan had hit a snag. He didn’t want to utilise his ability to phase door unless it was absolutely necessary – it would likely offend the myriad of Ziguranth spies Eden imagined were watching him.

Eventually, Eden did the right and cowardly thing to do, and left the skeleton mages to their… caballing.

• RUINS OF KOR’PUL 3

“Now I know this is a new world. I’ve met a fellow adventurer without him sneaking up behind me first!”

A thief was rooting through a pile of loot beside the staircase, his back to Eden. “Ah, this looks like a nice piece…” The thief held a steel amulet under his long, crooked nose, “Unenchanted… feh. Bet I could sell it to some sap, tell ‘em the jewellers can enchant it with a gem. Heheheh…”

Eden watched the thief curiously. Another rogue, scraping around dungeons, looking for valuables… he was like that, not too long ago. Eden toyed with the idea of removing the cloak of deception and giving the thief a good scare, but decided against it. “Hey there, fellow rogue,” He said, “Need some help?”

In an instant, the thief was on his feet and waving a knife at Eden. “Hey, hey, hey! What is this? This stuff doesn’t belong to anyone, it doesn’t matter if I take it! What are you gonna do?”

“Easy, easy,” Eden soothed, “Just thought maybe we could stick together in these ruins. Less chance of us getting jumped by Kor’Pul’s bony confidants.”

“Great!” The thief’s tone had changed completely. Removing his hat and sweeping it down in a low bow, he added, “I am Halerodunavor, repented thief, at your service.”

Repented indeed, thought Eden. “Okay, Haler… Halero…”

“Halerodunavor. Yes, yes, my parents hated me.”

“Right. Can I call you Hal? Let’s go, Hal.”

Eden and Halerodunavor began their expedition through the ruin’s third floor. On facing their first enemies, Hal muttered, “Okay, here’s the plan. You go take care of that skeleton mage down the corridor, I’ll deal with these molds.”

Rolling his eyes, Eden shrugged, “Super.” Molds couldn’t cause any problems for an escortee, surely? But then he realised – the mold was shining, and shining mold spores caused…

* * FOOMF! * *

“Gaargh! My eyes!”

“Aaah! Land and ocean, I’m blind!”

* * BZAAAP! * *

“OW! Manathrust!”

“By the Gods, the mage is still alive! Get it! Get it!”

“I can’t see anything!”

“Get it, quick! I’m not going out thanks to a mold!”

“Gaah, can’t see anything… wait! Wait! I think I’ve got its skull, is this the mage? Is this the mage?”

“How should I know?! I’m blind!”

“Right. FLURRYFLURRYFLURRYFLURRYFLURRY”

…

“… I think I got it. You take care of that mold?”

“I think so…”

“Good. Better not be any more enemies around… Who is this? Who’ve I got a hold of here? Is that you, Hal?”

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“Good.”

* * THUMP * *

The first thing Eden saw as his eyesight returned was Halerodunavor nursing his jaw. “Ta… talk about the blind leading the blind!” He chuckled.

Eden whipped his hand at the recall portal behind him, “Give me two points of dexterity and get out of here.”

“Get out of here? But I’m not wounded, I’m still adventuring here --”

“No. I mean get out of here for your own good.”

“Okay, okay. Geez…”

• * * *

“Getting too angsty lately, it’s not a facet of my personality I like. I think it’s being undead that’s doing it to me, that or having to chaperone that cretinous thief just now. Think of something light, cheerful… Grim? Even if Elisa has her tied up in some horrible, dark lair somewhere, I bet Grim’s nattering is driving her crazy!”

• * * *

Along with an inept escortee, the third floor of the ruins of Kor’Pul held two artefacts. The first was Toxinglamour, the rough leather cap. Aside from a halfway-nifty name, it didn’t hold Eden’s interest for long. The second was another greatsword, Manidosin the Iceobsidian.

“Hold on…” Taking the first greatsword he found out of his pack, Eden thought, “Yvogalaith? Manidosin? Haven’t I already found these? Elisa identified them when I first met her.” Eden scratched his head, contemplating the problem, “Maybe… shopkeepers found them just as useless as I did, and threw them back into a dungeon? Maybe they’re not artefact names but brand names? Manidosin-brand greatswords: For the discerning blood-coated psychopath!”

• RUINS OF KOR’PUL 4

“Oh, for goodness sake.”

“Mayaritira the greatsword.” Eden sighed, “This place must have a berserker fetish. Breaking the fourth wall more directly than usual for a moment, my fighter friend Longroad has found Moon, Star, and the Silent Blade… twice… each.”

• RUINS OF KOR’PUL 5

Fortunately for Eden, it appeared that the chamber in which the shade of Kor’Pul resided hadn’t changed from its incarnation in Middle-Earth. “It’s not often I get into a fight knowing exactly where my enemy’s going to be. I think I might enjoy thi--”

Wham! An umber hulk had thundered clean through the wall dividing the shade’s chamber! The shade had seen him! Snakes were pouring through the hole the umber hulk had created! Eden was surrounded! His strategy was in ruins!

The next few minutes for Eden were a blur of snake fangs, skeleton teeth (Eden’s close proximity with the shade seemed to have made it forget about its spells) and umber hulk… appendages? However, Eden retained enough wit to realise that the shade was easily the most dangerous enemy of the bunch, and made sure to focus all of his flurries and dual strikes on him. With judicious use of regeneration – and some very lucky stuns – Eden struck down Kor’Pul.

• Level 9! +1 Dexterity, +2 Cunning, +1 Flurry, +1 Weapon Combat

Kor’Pul’s shade had fallen, but the fight was far from over. The umber hulk and the snakes it had released remained, and during Eden’s battle they had totally surrounded him.

Eden’s mind raced. Many of his enemies’ strikes were hitting their marks – should he phase door? His survival instincts were screaming “Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes!”, yet a small but persistent voice in the back of his mind nagged at him; his initiation into Zigur. Ever since his experiences in Angolwen he had garnered a rather dim view of the magical, and the possibility of tutelage in antimagic was tempting…

Eden brought a hand back, gesturing to activate a phase door rune… then swung it forwards, unleashing a vicious flurry that decimated one of the attacking snakes, a rattlesnake. The umber hulk was the next to fall, and with his two most dangerous adversaries fallen, the rest fell like dominoes.

“Feel that?” Eden kicked the bizarre body of the umber hulk, “That’s what all those walls felt when you dug through them. Anyway…” Picking up the shade’s staff (not to mention its skull to show Elisa later) Eden made to leave, but was stunned as he caught the glimmer of glass in a corner of his eye. He couldn’t believe he had found it.

“The… the Blood of Life!”

Taking up the bloody phial, Eden assumed the most melodramatic pose he could think of, imagining his speech in an ornate, Gothic font, “Ah, sacred philtre of resurrection! Blessed vial of life! Nay! No identification is required from necromancer-kidnapping strumpets to identify thee! Why, thy powers are legendary, myth defined! By simply bringing this glorious chalice to mine lips, my living soul may yet be saved from… from…”

“… Oh, by Gerlyk’s afro…”

In his own plane of existence, Arenji burst into laughter, spattering the orb he used to view Eden with extra-dimensional coffee. Eden possessed no living soul. He was undead. The Blood of Life was worthless to him.

• * * *

Eden stomped his way back through the ruins of Kor’Pul, in an understandably foul mood. “Well, may as well contact Elly while I’m feeling like this.”

Slapping the orb to life, Elisa’s face once again appeared before Eden. Smiling initially, her grin only expanded as she saw Eden’s frown. “Dear, Eden!” She gasped, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

“Oh, I’ve seen a ghost. And you know what?” Eden held up Kor’s skull and rattled it, fragments of bone inside it causing it to act as a macabre maraca, “I kicked the crap out of it. My enemies list is shrinking by the day. I wonder how many more monsters I’ll get through before it comes to your name?”

Elisa giggled in response, “Ooh, you’re so hardcore! I’m trembling! Hahaha! Do you think I’m actually frightened by you going around killing the bosses of these starter dungeons?”

Eden seethed. It appeared that his plan wasn’t working; how would he find out where Grim was now? “Well,” Eden eventually spat, “You’ll be hearing from me again, you can count on that. Until then --”

“Yiiii!”

Elisa had shrieked. Believing his intimidation tactics were a belated success, he grinned, “Ahh, so now you’re finally coming around --”

“The Blood of Life! Aah! So rare! I must have it!”

Elisa’s eyes were not on Eden, but the phial he held in his hand. Eden’s eye sockets turned to Elisa, then the phial, then Elisa again, then the phial again. If he possessed lips, they would have curled into the most satisfied grin possible, “Ahh, so… you want the Blood of Life? I guess it’d be a shame if something…” Eden nimbly threw the phial into the air, only catching it mere moments before it shattered on the ground, “… happened to it?”

Elisa scowled, “… Fine. Meet me in the Old Forest.”

Meanwhile, with the orcs…

• RAK’SHOR PRIDE

“Easy, easy… aaand there.”

Dropping the cage to the ground with a clatter, the four skeletons turned and faced the orcish necromancer, his face twisted into a dark smile, “Excellent, my minions. Maybe I won’t have you beaten tonight.”

“Hok! Hok!” A blood mage hurried up to the necromancer, his robes (quite fittingly) covered with blood. On seeing him, the necromancer cackled, “Ah, Falnoh, our resident curse-of-vulnerabilty cannon. Put an end to any promising runs lately?”

“With ambushes? Ha, tis a golden age.” The blood mage laughed, but then immediately his tone became serious, “But anyway, to business. Is this what I think it is?”

Hok nodded, “Indeed. One damsel in distress, ready for sacrificing.”

“… Hm. Tell me, if the cultists we’re giving her to are based in Maj’Eyal, why was she delivered here, to the east?”

With a shrug, Hok replied, “Something about making sure she has the ‘spirit of Urh’Rok’ and that she’s ‘suitable for Kryl-Feijan’s glorious essence’ or some such nonsense. I honestly don’t pay too much attention; all I know is that Elisa pays well.”

Grim rattled the cage’s bars angrily, “You are in so much trouble when I get out of here!”

[Burb Lulls]

48 panels to set up one awful joke. Boom!

[PowerWyrm]

MMMMMMOAR!!!!